See How We've Changed

Since October 19, 2013, the day we brought Tadesse and Biruk home, our lives have changed more than you can possibly know. Yes, I know you are thinking about the big things: family dynamics, grocery bills, stress.

Today's blog is just a series of pictures of the little ways that life has changed, but the little always adds up to big, doesn't it?

After

My Christmas List

'Tis the season for Christmas lists and Christmas shopping. The older I get, though, the less I want, and unfortunately, the things I do want tend to cost more. (Yes, I'm working on that whole need versus want issue.) So this morning I decided to make a list of what I do not want.

1. I do not want fancy food on fancy dishes. At Christmas I don't care what we eat or how we eat it. I care about whom I am eating with.

Beauty through Snowflakes

This morning I had to be in Sioux Falls early. As I listened to Christmas music on the radio while I drove, I moaned out loud when the sky started spitting, and I focused my eyes in the darkness, wondering if I was seeing snow or rain. Soon enough, the splatting on my windshield turned into the tic-tic sound of snow.

I really don't like winter.

Football and Faith

My brother-in-law Jason and I have a good-natured debate going on. He is a die-hard football fan. I am not. On Sunday afternoons he loves watching a good game of professional football; I enjoy watching the backs of my eyelids. He is determined to catch me in a moment of football fandom.

Pushing Buttons

One of the struggles we've had since coming home with Tadesse and Biruk is their endless fascination with buttons. We brought an iPad (which we have been continuously thankful for) that they played with on the plane and in the guest house. Their fascination with all things electronic has made us laugh on a number of occasions, including in the O'Hare airport when Tadesse was trying to manipulate the graphics by touching the screen of a huge TV. It has also panicked us, like when he pushed the fire alarm, which someone had the foresight to cover with a clear plastic lid.

Tender Mercies

As usual, I had to have a rough evening before I could experience the blessing of the next day.

Last night I was tired. Lately I've felt like I could sleep 24 hours straight, yet my body only lets me sleep about seven hours, even when I take something like Advil PM to help me sleep. The result of going to bed early is waking up at 3:30 or 4:00 a.m., still feeling exhausted and emotional.

Lead Me to Your Heart

Today is morning four in Ethiopia, Sunday, and my heart has broken.

The morning after we arrived in Addis Ababa, we drove to the remote village of Wuchale, where our boys were born and where we met them at their orphanage. This trip was long—10 hours by rented blue Toyota van, roads full of hairpin turns, oxen, mules, camels, and laughing children.

More Than Enough

A dear friend of mine and I have been talking much about excess these past months. We discuss Americans' dependence on stuff while people like those in Ethiopia and Haiti seem so happy with so little.

Then I go out and buy a new pair of Asics because my soles are just starting to show wear. Some people we know take us out to eat, and I order an 8 ounce filet mignon, which costs $33, and that's with no side dishes included. My daughter requests $30 for a class car, and I refuse. (Who in their right mind would spend money on a car just to destroy it, anyway?) And then I buy another $20 book to devour in two days. I am ridiculously fickle.

Not So Speedy Delivery

When I was pregnant with Caleb, our firstborn, Jerome and I were overcome with anticipation. We planned together, I planned more, we bought baby clothes (not enough), and we prepared his room. Because we were expecting him in March and I was a college junior, we thought it prudent for me to take a semester off. In doing this, life felt like it came to a standstill as we waited. And waited. Ten days following my due date, this tardy little boy entered the world and turned our life upside down, transforming these young people into parents who didn't have a clue but who were eager to learn.

Moving on Past

Yesterday in my blog I spelled "Esther" as "Ester" and wrote "one one" instead of "on one."

Now, if there's any hang up of mine that you've noticed I have from reading my blogs, you certainly know this: I. Hate. Making. Mistakes. For the fun of it, I went back and checked previous blogs. Six—yes, six—have been labeled with a topic of mistakes or perfectionism. I've listed them below just so you'll believe me. If you read more than one, you'll say to yourself, "Yep, that Tami has an issue!"

Setting Me Right
On Pride
Bucket List Lesson Number One
The Cover-up
Just Fix It
Mistakes

I've  been trying to get over that ism because fear of mistakes and perfectionist tendencies can paralyze a person into inaction. (I speak from experience.)

Perfectionism tells us we'll never be quite good enough. God tells us He loves us where we're at.

Perfectionism tells us to quit trying. God tells us to keep going, and He'll catch us when we stumble.

Perfectionism tells us people are judging us by our faults. God tells us He is the only judge.

Perfectionism tells us that failure is the end. God uses failure to draw us closer.

God can work in us and through us in our imperfect state. He used Moses who killed someone, David who committed adultery and had his lover's husband killed, and He uses people like you and me, too, because while we are screw-ups in so many ways, He is perfect. He covers our weaknesses and magnifies our strengths in order to bring glory and honor to His name.

So what do we do? Sit back and relax, realizing that we'll never be perfect, so why improve? No, we just have to point ourselves in the right direction. We allow God to work through us and on our behalf, but never losing sight of who it is we are trying to please.

That little voice inside you that tells you that you're behind or not good enough, the one that has you trying to please the people who aren't even nice? Start talking back. It's time for it to move out and for God to move in.