Sometimes people comment on how my writing feels real to them, and to me there is no greater compliment. I haven't always been that way—quite so willing to share my missteps and my embarrassment, so I thought I would fill you in a little on why I am the way I am, why I wear my heart on my sleeve and perhaps sometimes place myself in the precarious position to be teased, misunderstood, or even ridiculed.
Many years ago, following and actually even a little before the birth of my oldest child, I went through a period of months where I sunk into a pretty deep depression. I questioned my worth, my direction. My whole outlook was maybe not bitter toward others, but self-loathing. I could see the value in others but not in myself. No matter what I did, it wasn't good enough for the measure I had set up for myself. Really, my hormones had probably gone haywire, and it resulted in a spiritual and emotional battle neither my husband nor I was prepared for.
Not only did I feel lost, but I was in hiding and ashamed. My husband knew, but I hid this spiritual starvation from my close family and even my closest friends. That turned out to be the worst thing I could have done.
Following the healing I received (by the grace of God) and the excruciating pain of grieving my brother's suicide years later, I realized that far too many people feel alone: alone in humiliation, alone in pain, alone in sadness. Much of this isolation comes because we refuse to talk about the very things that matter.
I live in northwest Iowa, an area infamous for the prim and proper persona, where supposedly hair is perfect and makeup is always done before one leaves the house. This is where our kids are always kind and generous, where our houses are dust-free, where our husbands make enough money to make us comfortable but not so much as to call ourselves wealthy. I live in an area where happiness is not only valued but expected because our lives are just so—well, perfect. But you see, all of this is just a facade which we hide behind because the struggles are here as much as they are anywhere else. We just hide it well. From my estimation, that is a sin of pride.
As I realized that people around me (and if I'm honest, I as well) were hurting from all their perceptions of their neighbors' perfection, I realized that we were being stripped of our joy, and I came across Brene Brown's Ted Talk "The Power of Vulnerability." My friends, it turns out that her research shows that one of the characteristics that allows people to feel joy is their release from perfection, their willingness to be vulnerable with others. And really, isn't recognizing our own vulnerability the only way to see our need for the grace supplied by Jesus' death and resurrection?
Slowly and by measured steps, I have been pursuing vulnerability. I am trying to lift up even my worst traits, the characteristics I'm still working on, the missteps and humiliations, and trying to realize that God can use me even with them, in spite of them, or even because of them.
Don't you think it's possible that our awesome, mysterious, wonderful God can take even those moments and make a lesson out of them? What if your moment could be an inspiration to others? What if it reminds them they are not alone? What if God can use you even in the midst of heartache and pain? What if your vulnerability that is eclipsed by joy can be a change agent for those around you? What if your mess-turned-message is the most important sermon they will hear this week? What if your remembrance of pain allows you an empathy to see others as God sees them?
I am seeing and feeling the truth of it. When I have less to hide, I can have more to give.
Today I encourage you to watch the TED Talk linked above, and I ask God to show both you and me those places where our vulnerability may open the eyes of another to God's incredible blessings of true joy.
Not only did I feel lost, but I was in hiding and ashamed. My husband knew, but I hid this spiritual starvation from my close family and even my closest friends. That turned out to be the worst thing I could have done.
Following the healing I received (by the grace of God) and the excruciating pain of grieving my brother's suicide years later, I realized that far too many people feel alone: alone in humiliation, alone in pain, alone in sadness. Much of this isolation comes because we refuse to talk about the very things that matter.
I live in northwest Iowa, an area infamous for the prim and proper persona, where supposedly hair is perfect and makeup is always done before one leaves the house. This is where our kids are always kind and generous, where our houses are dust-free, where our husbands make enough money to make us comfortable but not so much as to call ourselves wealthy. I live in an area where happiness is not only valued but expected because our lives are just so—well, perfect. But you see, all of this is just a facade which we hide behind because the struggles are here as much as they are anywhere else. We just hide it well. From my estimation, that is a sin of pride.
As I realized that people around me (and if I'm honest, I as well) were hurting from all their perceptions of their neighbors' perfection, I realized that we were being stripped of our joy, and I came across Brene Brown's Ted Talk "The Power of Vulnerability." My friends, it turns out that her research shows that one of the characteristics that allows people to feel joy is their release from perfection, their willingness to be vulnerable with others. And really, isn't recognizing our own vulnerability the only way to see our need for the grace supplied by Jesus' death and resurrection?
Slowly and by measured steps, I have been pursuing vulnerability. I am trying to lift up even my worst traits, the characteristics I'm still working on, the missteps and humiliations, and trying to realize that God can use me even with them, in spite of them, or even because of them.
Don't you think it's possible that our awesome, mysterious, wonderful God can take even those moments and make a lesson out of them? What if your moment could be an inspiration to others? What if it reminds them they are not alone? What if God can use you even in the midst of heartache and pain? What if your vulnerability that is eclipsed by joy can be a change agent for those around you? What if your mess-turned-message is the most important sermon they will hear this week? What if your remembrance of pain allows you an empathy to see others as God sees them?
I am seeing and feeling the truth of it. When I have less to hide, I can have more to give.
Today I encourage you to watch the TED Talk linked above, and I ask God to show both you and me those places where our vulnerability may open the eyes of another to God's incredible blessings of true joy.
