Okay, so I'm struggling. I've had a secret for some time now (okay, a couple of months), and if you know me at all, you know that I'm pretty much an open book. If something is going on with me, you and my other twenty best friends know it, too. That's why all of this has been a little difficult.
So here's the announcement: our family has applied for international adoption through Bethany Christian Services.
Jerome and I have felt compelled, called, driven to adopt for quite some time. As a matter of fact, we had sent in our preliminary application to Bethany nine years ago, right before we found out we were expecting Elijah, but then we called and cancelled since God seemed to have other plans for us. In our case, it was never an issue of whether we could have our own biological children. This is something we've always felt like we were supposed to do.
In the eight years since Elijah was born, though, I've been resistant. When one of us (yes, Jerome) was interested in adopting, I said "no more" or "maybe later." When Kaylee pleaded for another sibling, I said "Get over it already" and "Would you just leave me alone about that?"
So here we are, all these years later.
What happened? Jerome was listening to Focus on the Family and heard yet another adoption story. He mentioned it to me at the right time, and I acquiesced. Since then, we have been coming across Bible verse after Bible verse explaining the importance of taking care of orphans, of having faith, of being obedient.
Are we scared? In the words of my ancestors Ole and Lena, "Yeah, sure, you betcha." Honestly, it reminds me much of pregnancy. There's an excitement and also a fear, one that sometimes causes butterflies in my stomach. This is a commitment, one not to take lightly.
Among those fears: What if we are found to be unfit during the home study? What if something happens and we aren't able to follow through? What if we travel to the country and the child doesn't want to leave? What if we have trouble bonding?
On my part, I'm not only scared about the adoption itself. I'm worried that the questions and concerns of well-meaning relatives and friends will weaken my resolve, that we, like other adoptive parents, will be asked: "Why are you doing this? What's wrong with your family the way it is? What if the kid has (gasp) problems?"
I can rehearse my answers to these uncomfortable questions, but I've never been quick on the draw. The truth? God is calling us to do it, and I know that if God is calling us to do something, He will give us the means to follow it through. That's enough for me.
Also, I would expect that a child spending any length of time in an orphanage will have some delays. And you know what? No child comes with guarantees. We will deal with any issues as they come up, and we know that there will be challenges ahead for our family.
Now that I've let you all know, I would love your prayers for my family, both those currently in my house and in Wisconsin, but also for whomever God has planned to join us.
