What I Know

We are in the midst of a difficult week. Behaviors seem illogical and we are often left scratching our heads, trying to make sense of things far beyond our understanding.

I may not know a lot, but here's what I do know:

1. I cannot control someone else's attitude, but I can control my own.

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you" (Philippians 4: 8-9).

2. I do not need to own someone else's problems, but I can help when he is ready.

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up" (Galatians 6: 9).

3. Prayer is effective.

"Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know"(Jeremiah 33: 3).

4. Worry is not.

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid" (John 14: 27).

5. God is in control.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you" (Deuteronomy 31: 6).

6. God's timing is perfect.

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end" (Ecclesiastes 3: 11).

7. I can't expect to know all the answers, but I can rest in knowing that God does. 

"Great is our Lord and mighty in power; His understanding has no limit" (Psalm 147: 5).

8. I must strive to be patient.

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer" (Romans 12: 12).

9. My love may not be perfect, but I need to love anyway.

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins" (1 Peter 4: 8).

10.  I can find blessings in the little things.

"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus" (1 Thessalonians 5: 18).

11. I am loved.

"This is how God showed his love among us: He sent His one and only Son into the world that we might live through Him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made complete in us" (1 John 4: 9-12).

Simple Progress

Well, friends, I think this is the best weekend we've had so far.

Biruk, Tadesse, and Jerome playing Sorry.
By the way, my husband is a pretty awesome dad.

I finally feel like Jerome and I are starting to figure our boys out. A few illustrations: Tadesse and Biruk are competitive—HIGHLY competitive. When I really need them to hurry, I make it a contest of first (champion, "wiener"), second, and third places. That kicks Biruk up a few notches since he is a natural lollygagger. Elijah, who knows exactly what effect I'm looking for, continues to get ready at his pace and just says, "Slow and steady wins the race." This morning Elijah got third place.

Setting Me Right

Sometimes when I can't sleep in the middle of the night, I play Solitaire on my iPad, and this morning  I discovered this setting:

What? After all the losing games I've had over the past years, I could have simply slid this lever over and assigned myself all winning games? On one hand, that would have relieved a lot of frustration for me. Instead of getting to that place where it seems I have nothing left to try, I could hit Undo or Start this game over and be guaranteed a win.

While we're at it, I'd really just like to have one of these handy little levers for my life. This is where my all winning situations lever would be rather handy:


1. Arguments with my husband. I promise we don't argue that much, but when we do, I'm a little put off by those moments when this thought crosses my mind: maybe I'm a little crabby. Even worse is when he says something that is logical to my emotional or when he doesn't argue back and I'm itching for a challenge. My all winning situations lever would help him to argue enough but not well. I would always be right.

2. When someone needs my help but I don't want to. My lever will let me have a busy calendar or an apt excuse on the tip of my tongue. Handy.

3. Self-control. I will no longer struggle with overeating or lack of motivation for exercise.

4. Those tough times when it's my job to correct someone and he really doesn't want to hear it. Whether in my role as a teacher, parent, or editor, I've always (okay—usually) tried to be tactful and kind, but with this lever, I can be blunt and pointed (funny how those words mean the same thing, right?) without worrying about feelings. That would save so much time and effort.

Really, though, sometimes I do long for a life like this, for every situation to be winnable, to have the skill, finesse, and persistence to pull off every challenge. Still, it seems there's something rather prideful in my quest to be right, to win every. single. time.

I have a God who knows what I need and when I need it, and it isn't always through winning. In fact, my sometimes losing personal setting means that I must admit I'm irritable and impatient and imperfect. It exposes my selfish motivations.

God really isn't up in heaven looking down on me and flipping a win/lose switch. He isn't saying, "She's lost three times in a row. Think I'll give her a win before she quits."

Through the Holy Spirit, God is here with me—and you if you've invited Him in. Instead of giving us situations we can always win, he has us set on Always Improvable. He sees us as we can be, not as our current selves, and that should give us a measure of His peace. It's our role, then, to accept correction and redirection and understand that if God is doing the remodeling of our hearts, then we will all win...through grace alone.

Sleepwalking

This is what I woke up to this morning. A Mario Kart top bed sheet, crumpled and thrown down the stairs. I stared at it a moment, thinking, What in the world? before laughing at the thought of Elijah in his late-night sleepwalking, feeling the urge to hurl this unruly, untucked bed sheet downward into our living room.

We had awakened to light rap, rap, rapping (Sorry--English teacher inside joke) on our chamber/bedroom door to find Elijah sitting outside, mumbling gibberish. This has become a frequent spectacle at our home. (Kaylee has caught him on video, but I'm not quite mean enough to post that on my blog.)

His sleepwalking fog reminds me of what I consider one of the most confusing passages of the New Testament, Romans 7: 14-20:

Lessons Learned at 42

"Not to be offensive or anything, Mom, but how does it feel to get older? I mean, can you really tell?"

This is how the conversation with my 21-year-old son Caleb started, and it ended with my rather simple answer: "Besides my back getting a little sore sometimes, Caleb, I feel better than I have in years." 

In 1999 Robert Fulghum published the book All I Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. The book was a best seller, and I loved it. There are a lot of things, though, that I didn't learn in kindergarten, that took me 42 years to understand, and still many more that I'm trying to figure out. Please blog with me by sharing in the comments section the lessons you've learned.

Do the Right Thing

When I was in high school in the mid and late eighties, lunchtime was rather chaotic. The whole student body would stand in the school hallway, jockeying for position at the front of the crowd as one harried teacher would call out which class was next to get into the cafeteria. Being in close proximity and being teenagers, there was your regular amount of horseplay...as well as some that crossed over the line into bullying.

One day as I stood against the lockers, I watched an underclassman become the victim of pinball, when students take turns pushing the kid back and forth to each other, and they verbally taunted him the whole time. Now, because of some circumstances in my life at that time, I happened to know more about this boy than others did. He came from a troubled home. He alone was responsible for the family finances, the shopping, and other aspects that parents should really be handling.

Eating What's Good for You

At age seven, my son is an incredibly fussy eater. Peanut butter sandwiches, strawberries, pancakes, chicken nuggets, grapes, raw carrots, french fries, and fresh bread are his favorites, but he refuses to eat baked potatoes, sweet corn and other cooked vegetables, noodles,  soup, or casseroles.

Yes, I've spoiled him. Yes, it has to stop. While I've been complimented many times on what a kind boy I have, this is his weak spot.

Fussy eating affects his nutrition, but just as importantly, it affects his relationship with others. It's rude not to eat what is prepared for him. Most of all, expecting special meals teaches him that he deserves to be catered to, and that's just not okay.

We know that we have to change his habits for him because he will never choose to do so on his own. We've tried many things, from the two bite rule to the you-can't-have-anything-else-until-you-eat-that rule. Tonight my son is in bed and has had nothing since his after-school snack.¹ I feel guilty, but I know that a little discomfort now will save a lot of frustration later.

Sometimes I, too, want what I want—well, just because I want it. Like my sweet but slightly ornery Elijah, I expect to be catered to in my own selfish ways. Sometimes I've prayed for things to change for no other reason than to make life easier for me. While I believe that God wants to hear from me every moment of every day, I do not believe that I can force God to provide for every prayer request.

He has a bigger, better plan.

Similar to a fussy eater, I want to choose my experiences. While moments of my life have tasted a little more like liver and onions than strawberry pie, I still have lessons to learn even from those days that aren't exactly what I ordered.

I can be thankful that I have a God who understands my needs more than I do.



¹He finally got out of bed an hour later and ate everything on his plate. Success!

Defining Moments

I have never had too much trouble with self-expression or for letting others into the often personal details of my life. Especially with writing, I tend to tell all (well, almost) and hope that by being real, others can feel comfortable being real with me as well.

The only way to truly know me is by understanding the moments of my life that changed me. Now, I would love to tell you that those moments are always when you find me at my best. That would not be true. Often I find myself being the most in tune with God when I am at my lowest. When I'm moving along, confident with every step I'm taking, I sometimes forget to acknowledge Him. On December 13, 2007, I began a new journey, one that enabled me to look at God's presence in my life.

At about 11 a.m. on a school day, my husband, my pastor, and my boss sat me down to tell me that my brother had taken his own life. My brother had been struggling with personal problems, though I had mostly told myself that this rough time he was going through would be solved the same way his troubles were always solved: in his own time and in his own way.

My defining moment isn't about suicide, and although I miss Dean every day, it isn't really even about my brother. I can tell you that the next year was a blur for me with entire days spent in tears. One of the things that I most remember most, though, is that God spoke to me.

I had lots of experience with God's still, small voice. Not satisfied with that, I always asked God for a burning bush or a lightning bolt: any clear, constant direction for all parts of my life but felt frustrated when I didn’t see those signs.

In the darkness of those nights following Dean’s death, after my husband and children were long asleep, I would cry and count all the ways that I had failed, and I would talk to my brother, asking him how he could do this to me. Somewhere in the early morning hours, I would finally succumb to sleep.

The loud music woke me up. Not one night—not two nights—but many nights.

When I'd open my eyes, the music would melt away, back into the silence of a sleeping house, but the beautiful words and accompaniment to "Praise You in This Storm" and "It Is Well with My Soul" gave me immeasurable solace and eventually, peace.

My friends, students, and family were the hands and feet of Christ, comforting me during my daylight hours, but God Himself was present for me when I needed Him most.

Before you're on your way, please take a moment to listen to the songs and hear God sweetly speaking to you as well.