His sleepwalking fog reminds me of what I consider one of the most confusing passages of the New Testament, Romans 7: 14-20:
"We know that the law is spiritual; but I am I unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer the I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it."
Before you get your panties in a knot, I am not saying that sleepwalking is a sin. I am saying that willful spiritual sleepwalking is, indeed.
The Romans passage tells me that when I do things without thought and are drawn to do them even when my conscience tells me "Run," then I am allowing my human nature, which is not pure and holy, but sinful, direct my actions. It is my conscience sliding over to let sin hop into the driver's seat.
I often watch Joyce Meyer sermons on TV as I'm folding laundry. She bluntly reminds us that we can't believe that God has the power of salvation, the power to make our lives new, if we think He can't even control our measly cravings for sinful things, if we don't think that He gives us the power to say no and follow through. In my case, I love food and too much of it. I struggle with wanting too many nice things, with thinking I somehow deserve a certain measure of comfort and leisure.
One of my friends asked me awhile back, "Tami, do you really think overeating is a sin?" In my case, I can say yes. Why? Because of Romans 7. I have the desire to be more healthy, but I struggle against myself in actually saying no. I think that is true for those who drink too much, for those who obsess about sports or anything else, for those who feel the urge to shop continuously, for those who struggle against pornography.
But our struggles aren't the end. We aren't to shrug our shoulders and concede defeat. The answer actually comes elsewhere in Romans:
"For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace (6:14)"
and
"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us (8:37)."
I'm pretty sure God doesn't view us as I view my son, with an isn't-that-cute redirection and video camera in hand. I think God is probably standing there with his megaphone in hand, hollering, "WAKE UP! Can't you see that I love you?"
So, yes, we are called to accountability as Christians. If our conscience (a.k.a. the Holy Spirit's prodding) gives us the nagging doubt as we plunk down the plastic at the check-out counter or as we slide up to the bar or as we are offered delectable food, maybe that's God saying, "How much do you love me? Enough to put me first? Would you give even this up for me?"
I am challenging you today with something that I am finding difficult to handle myself. I am no expert (not even close) at any of this—the Bible, at the sin-free lifestyle, or even at being a generally good person. Actually, I struggle all the time, so I'm just a fellow journeyer, honored to be walking along with you and hoping that we can choose God together.
