Well, friends, I think this is the best weekend we've had so far.
I finally feel like Jerome and I are starting to figure our boys out. A few illustrations: Tadesse and Biruk are competitive—HIGHLY competitive. When I really need them to hurry, I make it a contest of first (champion, "wiener"), second, and third places. That kicks Biruk up a few notches since he is a natural lollygagger. Elijah, who knows exactly what effect I'm looking for, continues to get ready at his pace and just says, "Slow and steady wins the race." This morning Elijah got third place.
When Biruk woke up today—and I've never seen someone so resistant to getting out of bed—I told him that if he goes quickly, I will have time to snuggle with him. I have never seen him get dressed so quickly. Aww.
Second, we have been working really hard on kind and rude. My friends, there is no kind and rude when there is not enough food or someone has taken one of your only possessions. There is only fight for what you need. After our kind-rude charades game where I was the headlining actress (much to my delight), we have heard many more verbal labels on behavior, especially when someone is going out of his way to be nice.
Elijah, too, has been volunteering to do all sorts of things for us, from getting the ice cream from our basement freezer to hauling groceries from the car. One day I came home and Elijah said, "Biruk was hungry, so I made him cereal." Now, Elijah has always been a good kid and is willing to drop anything to help when I ask, but volunteering is a new level. So when I mentioned it the other day, he said, "Mom, I made a new year's resolution to be more helpful. That's why." Aww. Again.
All of this follows our first episode of running away. I know every kid does it, but few of them decide to run away to Ethiopia and take off on a bike in frigid weather. We struggled with how to handle that because our simple wait-until-he-comes-back mentality no longer seemed appropriate. Jerome let him get to the end of the driveway, then we told him that our house is his home even when he doesn't feel like it is and that even when he doesn't feel like he loves us, we still love him. (That was one of our more difficult days. Sometimes no matter what we do, our boys will feel different, apart. I don't like that.)
We still have our meltdowns. However, we are making daily progress. We have discussed how every day—every minute—we have a choice: happy or cranky. Even when someone else is cranky, we still have that choice. One of my boys and I have sat, mid-tantrum, in the middle of the floor and I've said, "You are choosing to be angry right now, but I am still going to be happy. You can choose to be happy whenever you want. I can choose to be happy whenever I want." It is simply shocking how much more quickly he is recovering from those episodes.
On a different note: it's surprising to me to have people I hardly know comment on my blogs. At the dentist yesterday, the assistant made a comment about the boys pushing buttons. That caught me off guard since I hadn't said anything about it. The only thing I could think of is that she had read my blog or that someone who had read my blog had shared it. I sat there feeling deeply touched (and truthfully, a little emotionally naked) that someone outside of my small circle had actually read what I wrote. My goal is that somehow my words (which I pray are God's words, through me) will inspire you, whether you are thinking about adoption or foster care for yourself, or whether you just need a little inspiration for your day. Thank you, readers.
Finally, one more thing for who are thinking about adoption or are simply interested in our journey: I have read many books about adoption. Some are too textbook-like for my taste (been there, done that), and some are full of theory and little practical knowledge. Here are a few suggestions of those that have been well worth the time and effort:
Adopted for Life by Russell Moore (great for any reader, regardless of age or intentions for adoption)
The Connected Child by Karen Purvis (perhaps more appropriate for those adopting younger kids)
Parenting the Hurt Child by Gregory Keck and Regina Kupecky (by far the most helpful book I've read for adopting older children)
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| Biruk, Tadesse, and Jerome playing Sorry. By the way, my husband is a pretty awesome dad. |
When Biruk woke up today—and I've never seen someone so resistant to getting out of bed—I told him that if he goes quickly, I will have time to snuggle with him. I have never seen him get dressed so quickly. Aww.
Second, we have been working really hard on kind and rude. My friends, there is no kind and rude when there is not enough food or someone has taken one of your only possessions. There is only fight for what you need. After our kind-rude charades game where I was the headlining actress (much to my delight), we have heard many more verbal labels on behavior, especially when someone is going out of his way to be nice.
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| Biruk reading a book with Elijah's assistance |
All of this follows our first episode of running away. I know every kid does it, but few of them decide to run away to Ethiopia and take off on a bike in frigid weather. We struggled with how to handle that because our simple wait-until-he-comes-back mentality no longer seemed appropriate. Jerome let him get to the end of the driveway, then we told him that our house is his home even when he doesn't feel like it is and that even when he doesn't feel like he loves us, we still love him. (That was one of our more difficult days. Sometimes no matter what we do, our boys will feel different, apart. I don't like that.)
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| Tadesse and I on our first date night |
Finally, one more thing for who are thinking about adoption or are simply interested in our journey: I have read many books about adoption. Some are too textbook-like for my taste (been there, done that), and some are full of theory and little practical knowledge. Here are a few suggestions of those that have been well worth the time and effort:
Adopted for Life by Russell Moore (great for any reader, regardless of age or intentions for adoption)
The Connected Child by Karen Purvis (perhaps more appropriate for those adopting younger kids)
Parenting the Hurt Child by Gregory Keck and Regina Kupecky (by far the most helpful book I've read for adopting older children)
