When I was pregnant with Caleb, our firstborn, Jerome and I were overcome with anticipation. We planned together, I planned more, we bought baby clothes (not enough), and we prepared his room. Because we were expecting him in March and I was a college junior, we thought it prudent for me to take a semester off. In doing this, life felt like it came to a standstill as we waited. And waited. Ten days following my due date, this tardy little boy entered the world and turned our life upside down, transforming these young people into parents who didn't have a clue but who were eager to learn.
Adoption really isn't so different.
I'm 42, twice the age I was when we had Caleb. Tadesse and Biruk are coming, and we've planned together, I've planned more, we've bought clothes (but not enough), and we've prepared their room. I've cut down on my commitments, and life—for me, at least—has felt like it has come to a standstill.
I suppose now we're considered experienced parents. We have a little more book knowledge and parenting street smarts, and we have made a lot of mistakes we've learned from. Really, though, we feel just as unsure as we did 21 years ago. After all, we're not bringing a 7 pound, 11 ounce boy into the world. We'll be flying home with two boys grieving the loss of their country, their family, their language, and their culture. We'll be tucking in boys who have never seen a train, been to a movie theater, seen snow, or walked into a Walmart.
As excited and impatient as I am to get them home, I'm still that wide-eyed mom being wheeled into the delivery room who is thinking, Wait a minute here! What did I sign up for? Yes, I wanted this, but I don't know if I'm prepared for this delivery part! I don't know if I can be the person I need to be to make this happen.
Caleb was born one ambulance ride, a truck full of pitocin, a few morphine-induced hallucinations, and 36 hours later. For those of you who wonder why we waited four years between our first and second children, now your curiosity can be satisfied.
But oh, has the journey been worth it.
As apprehensive and impatient as we get for the arrival of Tadesse and Biruk, we know they are as planned by God as Caleb was. Even though we'd like to have a due date, we can rest knowing that God's timing is perfect. While I'm aware that we're in for skinned knees and temper tantrums in addition to those tender moments of discovery, I know deep down in my soul that God has prepared a way for us, that we won't be walking alone.
In Deuteronomy 31: 8 Moses tells Joshua, "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
This is the promise I'm clinging to today.
In Deuteronomy 31: 8 Moses tells Joshua, "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
This is the promise I'm clinging to today.