If any of you have been in a band and the director is conducting furiously, working up a sweat, and suddenly points to you with his baton...yes, that climactic moment where you're supposed to DO something...well, you get my point. That's where we were.
That's when someone from in front of us turned around, smiled, and handed us a paper. Too bad it was a color-coded map of Iowa.
Yes, my dreams are bizarre, and my anxiety tends to show itself there even when it is not so obvious elsewhere.
The reason I loved band wasn't because I was that great (I wasn't), because I hoped it would get me a college scholarship (It didn't), or even because we were able to go on a band trip to Worlds of Fun every few years. To me, there was something about about being in that space where I could hear my part as well as the other trombonists' parts and how those interwove and complemented each other. On top of that, the melodies, harmonies, and beat from the other sections flowed together to make something almost magical. I loved being just one part in that whole.
Playing my part in my life, my calling, is what gets me out of bed every morning. The joy I feel in being a part of God's design is what makes me sing with the music in the shower and in the car. It's what motivates me to try harder, to work at getting better. I know that my own part is miniscule compared to the whole that's going on in my life and in the world, but it is my part, and it's important to me.
And obviously, I have a fear of not having the sheet music, of having the director point at me, expecting me to do something.
There are times—usually, as matter of fact—when my life isn't orchestrated so neatly. There are times when I've felt alone, overwhelmed by a decision, or stuck in a rut. It's at those times, when I think my Conductor wants me to let go. Can I trust Him enough to know that He has a plan and that is sufficient—that even when I am lost, He isn't?
That's my prayer today: for trust in my Savior, that no matter where I find myself, I will trust Him to pull all of the parts together and create something really beautiful.